MY experience being bullied.

MY experience being bullied. When I was growing up I was different from others I couldn’t help it. It was the way I was born. I felt different yes I never felt I fitted in with even my cousins I felt as I was from another place or adopted . I tried my best to join in during these times. I wanted just to be me. Is all didn’t want to be noticed in any special way. I wanted to enjoy getting dirty shooting guns and fishing and playing with the other kids. But for some reason that I didn’t understand I stood out as different gentler like I was an alien . I feel God was watching over me the whole time even though he allowed abuse of several forms to happen to me. I used to ask why me? And got no answer to my question. So I felt I must have done something to deserve it? It happened allots not at hands of my but my stepfathers . I used to blame mom but I came to understand she had no control over these things because she didn’t know they were happening , because it was a classic case of abuse by stepfather . Hidden and scheduled when mom wasn’t there most the time when she was working. But still I looked to her as my protector after all these years . But I learned moms are just like everyone else who had issues and worries of everyday life and not perfect. I love my mom dearly and cherish every day I have her now . But why I tell this history is it was start of my growing up different from others even though I did allots like sports ect, I was different shy and afraid of people. Afraid of what others thought of me. There were many times I wished others then would have seen I was a very good person that I was hurting inside and needed friends. But no these kids ridiculed me so bad I was would have panic attacks when I had to walk through the school halls between classes I wanted to be invisible so know one could see me and I could get to and from safely to classes lunch period recess and after school. I would think I got to go that direction no way around it so I lowered my head and would almost cry out with fear of what would they say this time? Would I make it safely? And asked why they did it? I would pray please help me lord. What have I done to deserve this I don’t even know these people.? Do they realize I’m dying inside and afraid of everything and extremely vulnerable . Because I still was hurting from the abuse and low self esteem. And now I’m going through it again. And everyday I would think can I just not die ? Know one would miss me ? Every single day growing up I thought about suicide. Not a hour went by that it wasn’t at the back of my mind sitting there wandering if GOD would just take me away to a very peaceful place were people were nice to me and loved m for who I was. I know my story sounds like many out there and many have the same thoughts even as adults . I’m no different at all and that this is just my story. But I did like everyone else back then joined clubs played sports joined church were I found peace and love of my special qualities. Because these things inside me are truly gifts from God or he or she wouldn’t have blessed me with them. And gave me the knowledge about the child within that we all have inside and how our child has to be nurtured and protected and loved. So what I figure about all this is I had to stay strong and love me as God created me and nurture the special gifts he gave me. And say today I too am a survivor of BULLYING AND ABUSE AND I MADE IT. AND YOU CAN TOO! GOD IS THE ONLY REAL TRUE JUDGE AND THESE SITUATIONS PEOPLE AND PLACES ARE PUT IN OUR WAY TO MAKE US STRONGER. AND WHAT I FEEL OTHERS SHOULD DO IF THEY ARE HAVING ANY OF THIS DONE TO THEM IS TELL SOMEONE OF AUTHORITY. YOU ARE LOVED AND WE ARE SPECIAL BECAUSE GOD CREATED US. BUT DO SPEAK TO SOMEONE AND LOVE WHO YOU RE AND DON’T HURT YOURSELF BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU ALLOW BULLIES TO WIN. BULLIES=PEOPLE WITH LOW SELF ESTEEMS WHO HAVE TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BIGGER AND POWERFUL BY HARRASSING OTHERS WHEN THEY SEE WE ARE DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL. WHICH MAKES THEM ENVIOUS SO THEY STRIKE OUT AT THAT DIFFERENCE. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. SO LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND KEEP ON GOING. MAYBE SOMEONE LIKE ME WILL NEED YOU AS A FRIEND TO ‘’SAY IT WILL BE OK’’ STOP BULLYING REPORT IT IF YOU KNOW ITS HAPPENING YOU MAY SAVE A LIFE!


Stop Bullying: Standing Up for Yourself and Others